7.31.2006
She said it much better
I love the perspective Doctor Mama has on running here. It is exactly how I feel about it, but much clearer and more...you know, verbalized. (Shut up, I DO make sense (to myself).)

In the beginning, I jogged just to lose some weight. And I did, to the tune of 30 lbs (jogging 6 days a week without fail, along with 1200 calories/day without cheating - for over 3 months - not something I could do now that I work full time, I was in school then). Anyway, I delude myself into thinking that I STILL jog for weight control. Truly, when I am in shape and generally happy with myself, I always go into I-just-need-to-lose-a-few-more-pounds mode and tell myself that I jog to get down to my self-prescribed ideal weight.

What a load of shit. And the sad thing is, the only person I'm lying to when I say this is myself. Because my real reasons are only revealed when I STOP jogging. I stop, and enjoy the first couple of weeks - yay, I'm as lazy as I've ever wanted to be! The scale stays the same, and I wonder why I ever bothered in the first place - clearly, I can lose just by cutting back on calories, and clearly the jogging does NOTHING besides make me hate the weather no matter what it is (you don't know how to hate a beautiful, sunny, mid-70's day until you take up outdoor exercise).

Then a couple more weeks go by, at which point I get crabby, I feel fat even though the scale hasn't changed and all my clothes still fit exactly the same. I'm more tired than usual and all I ever want to do is mope around the house. Finally, I decide to do something to get rid of all the imaginary weight I've gained, so I start jogging again. Voila! Within a week or two I'm back to loving my body (but still telling myself I need to jog to lose weight, even when I don't care about actual results on that front), I'm less tired, and I have many, MANY fewer mood swings (just ask my husband), I feel stronger and more capable in general, and I'm a lot more inclined to take the stairs instead of the elevator. Go figure.

Don't ask me how it works, I don't know. But I do know that I'll probably end up jogging for most of the rest of my life, just to feel good. Ew, I can't believe I just said that - how depressing!


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